Well, I am slowly recovering from my wonderful weekend away with my ringette team. I am sure that I, like my team mates, have become friends with our Tylenol or ibuprofen for the next day or two. I had a great time, got to know my team mate’s better and learned that they are a great bunch. And I got to know myself better as well.
Anytime I go away I have to be vigilant that I get enough rest and down time. When I am at home and get to busy or too much on my plate I will notice I get discombobulated, switch, and not be at my best. When this happens I stay home and sleep or rest until I am back on a level plain. However this is harder to do when I am away and am part of a team and have responsibilities. That is why I have been vigilant this weekend.
Before leaving I talked with my therapist and put plans in motion. This plan was basically talking about things I need to do to help me be my best, how to get the best sleep, remember to eat before I get to hungry or cold - which can be a trigger in itself as I was hungry and cold a big part of my childhood- and because I am diabetic/hypoglycemic. When I get hungry and my blood sugar drops I get grumpy and don’t always make the best choices. This is normal for anyone who is diabetic/hypoglycemic, however put D.I.D. into that combination and it can make life very interesting!!! So with my plan in place off to the tournament I go.
It was a good weekend. I had never played a ringette game before and there were a few times I switched, but it was momentarily. This would show as being discombobulated as to what the score of the game was that we played a couple of hours ago. What I mean by this is not a big deal that I couldn’t remember the score but more that I couldn’t remember what game we played two hours ago. The confusion was if we played that game two hours ago or if it was the game from the morning before. Another time I got confused on the ice a couple of times, but the team took it all in stride, and I know the more I play the less this type of thing will happen. I also noticed I was being hyper vigilant and when that happens I am not always able to take in my surroundings. I noticed by the third day I was pretty much ok.
There was also “ah ha” moments. These are epiphany, or moments of clarity. One of the biggest ones was that I was part of the team. Now this may sound strange and you may say..”well of course she’s part of a team, she is on a team.”. I guess I could clarify it by saying I feel part of the team.
Growing up I learned not to try anything because I was not going to be any good at it and I would be put down for it. Now as an adult I know that when we all learn something new we are all on the same beginning level. An example of this is a ten year old who is an amazing artist and has a talent and has been drawing for years. Now along comes the adult who had never drawn and wants to learn. This adult may have never held a pencil in their hand, and we know they will not be as good at the ten year old. But if the adult draws a circle for the first time it will look much like the child’s circle the first time they drew it. We all start from the same point. So when I started to skate at the age of fifty, I had the same skating ability of a five year old that put skates on for the first time.
But growing up if you were not the best at anything you tried then you were a failure. As an adult I know that this was the adult’s issues, not mine, but as a kid I was not able to know this. I grew up believing that if I was not the best at anything then I was no good so I never tried. I guess the moral is that if you beat a dog enough times it stays down, and I had been beaten down enough times that I learned not to raise my head and try anything. So what does this have to do with this weekend…..
Well, I am captain of my dragon boat team, I am a strong paddler and when the team is paddling we are all doing the same thing.- or that’s our goal ! This is not the case in ringette or other sports. What I mean by this is that in ringette one is part of the team but we all have individual jobs to do. I have only been skating for a few years and playing ringette for just over a year. I felt that I have to be a really strong player to be of any worth to my team. That is the mis belief I was brought up with. My psychiatrist would call this a “cognitive error”.
This weekend I learned that I don’t have to be the strongest player or skater to be a contributing member of my team. I did not get any goals, but I did get three assists. That is contributing to the team. I also learned that by just being myself, I am a contributing member of the team.
It took me planning and extra energy to prepare going away this weekend. It took planning and extra energy to stay in the moment and function this weekend. It will take time for my muscles to recover, and probably more time for my mind energy to recover, but it was worth it. This weekend I gained some personal growth, had a great time and learned how wonderful my team mates are. I saw caring, acceptance, encouragement, compassion, understanding, support, strength, courage and integrity from my team. This once again shows me that, unlike I was taught as a child, the real world can be a wonderful place to be. This will help me grow and I will be forever grateful. I truly am fortunate to have them in my life.
I guess that’s it for now, time for another nap.
Until next time
Cheers and be well