Well, after a few days of “brain clog” I am now coming out of the fog and back into the land of the living. As always, it’s great to be back. Each time this happens I am reminded of the things that make life good. Good cups of tea, walks with understanding friends and family, my cats, the ability to read and write again, having a conversation and a brain that once again is in working order.
One thing that my friends and family, and some professionals have learned over time is that when I am having a “brown out” I am not going back into a state of depression. I understand where they are coming from because to them it must look like that. I have less energy; have a hard time remembering to eat, am unable to read- ( I am a varioush reader)-pull away from my activities and going out and socializing as much, am unable to concentrate and focus long enough to write etc. In general I am not the functioning me. To top it off I look tired, have circles under my eyes and am often pale. In general I look like crap, and I sure feel like it. Those close to me can see - (sometimes even before I know) - when I am in this state or am about to go through one. This is not a state or period of depression; it is a state of progress and growth. It is during these times that I reprocess whatever issue it is that has come up. These are issues that as a child or teen I was unable to process because of the circumstances I was living in. Now that it is safe to do so I am now able to do this, and each and every time I go through one of these periods of growth I get a bit of myself back that has been wondering around lost for all these years.
My husband has learned that I need to go through these periods and that I will eventually come out the other end a happier, more confident and whole person. As much as it hurts him and others to see me like this, it is a much needed “work in progress” that needs to happen. There are things that friends and family can do to support me while I go through this process. My husband makes sure I am eating, he makes dinner and asks if I have had anything to eat during the day. Often during these times I will be so tired or focused on the process I will forget to eat. Friends will phone and touch base with me, knowing that I am not up for conversations but just tell me to hang in there and to let me know they are thinking of me.
One of the most important things that medical and mental health professionals can do is understand a few things.
- Understand that this is a much needed process and that I am not being “lazy” or need to pull my socks up.
- · That I am not doing this to “get attention”. This is not a fun place to be.
- · Give me time to do what I need to do and don’t put any pressure on me to “hurry up and get back to my life.”
- · That I am not “wallowing in self-pity”
- · Revisiting and reprocessing the issues that come up is not harmful to me. In fact, pushing down these issues causes me much mental and physical harm.
I have been very fortunate over the years with knowledgeable and caring professionals who know what they are doing and have supported me. One of the most important things is that they have been open minded to this condition and have included me in my recovery, allowed me to express what works best for me and worked with me through this.
I have a wonderful circle of friends and family who accept me the way I am and for who I am. This has helped me more than I can express and more then they will ever know.
For those out there who read this, please send the link to this blog to anyone who may be interested. The more people that know of this blog, the more people will get a better understanding and the more educating I can do.
As always it is good to be back into the land of the living. It will take me a few days to get back up to speed and into my activities fully, but as always when I get through this process, life is great and I am glad to be back.
Look out world because here I come and there is no stopping me know!!!!!!!
Until next time
Cheers and be well
PS- In the future, I will post my Hospital Recovery Plan that I have written up and given to the medical staff to better understand me when I have been admitted.