Step by Step version # 2794...

Step by Step version # 2794...

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

How can You Be Tired, You’re the Youngest One Of The Group…..?

If I here this one more time I am going to scream…..

I know that the people that say this to me do not mean me any harm; I know they are not being mean to me, but I also know they do not get my illness and the daily struggles of living with this condition. Now that I write this I also realize it’s from people that don’t know me really well, or understand my condition or how it affects me.

Also, these folks did not know me at the beginning of my diagnoses. The beginning when I could hardly function and thought I was losing my mind, and could not remember what I did 2 hours ago, let alone the day before. They did not know me when every muscle in my body ached, when every night I was treated to nightmares and terrors, waking up in a sweat and trembling. They did not know me when I could not function enough to read, or write, follow a recipe or hold a conversation. A time when getting out of bed and having a shower and getting dressed was called a victory.  That seems like another life time ago and shows me how far I have come.

Tomorrow I am going with two friends over to the Vancouver Art Gallery. I am looking forward to this; it will be a long day as we have to drive down to Nanaimo to get the ferry over to the Vancouver. I feel very comfortable with these friends because they understand and accept me for who I am. I will enjoy myself with them and am looking forward to seeing the exhibitions. I will also remember the entire trip, which is like magic to me. I have had conscious linear memory for a couple of years now, but it’s still feels magical.

I am looking forward to tomorrow’s adventures, it will be a long day, but it will be fun and I’m sure I will learn a lot. I know I will be tired the next day, and I know the friends I am going with, and those that are in my life will understand why I am tired, and accept it, as they accept me, with love and understanding. I am very fortunate to have these people in my life. Yes, I have come a long way and as my psychiatrist would tell me " things are unfolding as they should."
Those are my thoughts for the day…
Happy adventures
Cheers and be well


  1. Hi hi ... Just wanted to say how grateful there are you and others who stand up to the disabilifying areas of this disorder - as stated, not letting the disorder define you. We also are multiples and feel its a time in our life that we'd like to do more well-health work with it. This IS your life and you are doing some pretty amazing things with it. It is surprising after all these years that having a mental illness is seen to be a character flaw. I would be interested to know more about what you say publicly especially to the next generation of medical and practicum students. Is there a theme? They are going to be especially charged with the better welfare of our culture. BUT, more than anything I think multiples can learn to better support each other through communication and discovery of best practices. Your really on a fulfilling journey! Good luck!

    Our best,

    1. HI Ann

      Thanks so much for your post.

      When I talk to the medical students I tell them what causes DID, abuse, neglect, and also kids who are in an area of Civil war, and other war zones. It is not just a "North American phenomena" as others would like them to believe.
      Depending on studies, 1-3 % of the general population has this disorder, that is as high or higher then the prevalence of schizophrenia. DID is a very creative tool that aloud me to survive overwhelming circumstances. DID is developed in childhood usually before the age of 8 or 9. It is not like the Hollywood version. It is very complex but very simple at the same time, as a child I created alters or persona's to deal with the situation, simple, that's what it is, but it had become a hardwired response to any stressful situation.

      I have submitted an article to a counselling magazine and they are trying to get it in the winter edition. When it comes out I will post it on my page. There are also some good books out that explain this and have the studies and facts to back all of this up. I will send that info to you when I get my butt in gear. If you don't hear from me in a wekk or so, please e-mail to remind me..

      When I was diagnosed I was fortunate as the psychiatrist had a group of people with DID and we met once a week. I found this very helpful and validating as it helped me to understand I am not the only one and that I was far from crazy. They understood what I meant when I said I felt like I had a whole daycare living inside of me, and the confusion I felt.

      There will always be people who for whatever reason- usally their own issues- who will never believe in this condition, no matter that there is proof with brain scans etc. I refuse to argue with them. I just tell them that I respectfully agree that we disagree.

      There is a book called Magic Daughter, by Jane Phillip. The details are below, as far as I know its out of print, but I ordered it through my local library. I found the writer hit it right on how it was to live with this disorder. you can find more info on it at Amazon book section.

      When I get my act in gear- and learn how to do it, I will post some books I think help on my blog page.

      Thanks again for your post and interest

      cheers and be well


      Jane Phillip
      Product Details
      • Hardcover: 256 pages
      • Publisher: Viking USA (Oct 20 1995)
      • Language: English
      • ISBN-10: 0670859702
      • ISBN-13: 978-0670859702
      • Product Dimensions: 23.1 x 15.7 x 2.8 cm
      • Shipping Weight: 499 g
      • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

  2. I can't say enough for your efforts in advocating and educating others about DID and mental health. There is a definite stigma out there ... someone along the line of the blogs we read from multiples, we saw it expressed as - if you are too embarrassed to talk about it, it's still a stigma. We feel like we're right beside you trying to understand and convey that ... hey there are people in here that are getting hurt. Even if you look the other way, we're still here! AND, we agree that it isn't a character flaw. I am really glad you are writing and speaking what should be spoken of mental illness. Sometimes it feels that we can and sometimes we can't, but both sides of those arguments are important to hear. Keep slogging through it Sista!

    Always our best,


    1. Thanks Anns

      Sorry for the delay in answering, I just figured out how to do it- computer literacy is not my strong point.

      Cheers and thanks and you keep slogging through yourself

      be well