There is No Perfect Offering

There is No Perfect Offering

Monday, 17 September 2012

This Is Your Life...




Back in the early 1950’s there was a TV show called This Is Your Life. An unsuspecting guest would be tricked to come to a location near the studio and would be surprised to learn that they would be the featured guest of this show. They would then be brought into the studio where significant people in this person’s life would come on stage to tell the audience stories about the guest. At the end all the people would gather around the guest and the guest would receive a gift, which was always a scrapbook of memories and a 16mm projector and camera.

Last week I was talking to my son about how I had misplaced my watched. “Your Mickey Mouse watch?” was his reply. I said I never had a Mickey Mouse watch and he said, “Yes you did mom, you use to give it to the kids in the daycare to look at while you changed their diapers.” I have no recollection of any of that.

A few days later I mentioned this to my friend and she said- yes, you had a Mickey Mouse watch. So I guess I must have, but cannot recall any of this. This evening my husband and I were out having dinner for our anniversary (which I did remember)-and we got talking about coverage when you rent a car. He talked about the time I rented a car and the dealer said I had scraped one of the rims of the car. I have a very, very vague memory of that, but not why we had rented the car, what time of year it was, what kind etc. And its not like we rent a car all the time. He also talked about  a restaurant by the marina in a town we lived in, I had to ask him where the marina was, he told me, I cannot picture it and have no memory of that either.

 These are just a very few of the things I don’t remember, others do, but I don’t and yes I could write a whole book on times like this. It does impact my life, my family and friends and the people I care about.


 These are once more examples of how D.I.D. has affected my life. I can only imagine what it must have been like for my son.  When I talked to him one time for the C.B.C. radio piece I did on this disorder he told me, “Mom, I thought you lied a lot because you would say you would do one thing, like help me with my homework, or we would go to the beach etc., but it never happened so I learned  young not to trust or count on anything you said.”

 I guess you can say I am frustrated with this impaired memory. It is getting better as I now have conscious linear memory. I can now remember how I played some of the holes during my gold games, on good days I can remember all of them, on bad days I have trouble remembering them as I play them. People in my life understand this and know if I forget, it’s not because I am ignoring them or have found something more important to do, and for that I am very fortunate.

So, the last few days I have been reminded once again "This is Your Life," I just wish someone would give me a scrapbook of memories to fill in the years of blank.

Those are my thoughts for today

Happy memories
Cheers and be well

Suzy

3 comments:

  1. I just want you to know that this blog is so inspiring. I am 17 years old living with this as well. My therapist (who doesn't have many answers) suggested finding a support group online. Well I researched in google "successful living with dissociative identity disorder" and your blog appeared. I love it, I love reading what you write. I feel less alone and more like an actual person. My life, especially recently has been looking very bleak, on top of that it is a new diagnosis but it explains so much about me. But I just feel stuck. It crazy, like my mind is slipping away and I'm getting worse which scares me too. I just want you to know how much hope you've offered me already. <3

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  2. I just want you to know that this blog is so inspiring. I am 17 years old living with this as well. My therapist (who doesn't have many answers) suggested finding a support group online. Well I researched in google "successful living with dissociative identity disorder" and your blog appeared. I love it, I love reading what you write. I feel less alone and more like an actual person. My life, especially recently has been looking very bleak, on top of that it is a new diagnosis but it explains so much about me. But I just feel stuck. It crazy, like my mind is slipping away and I'm getting worse which scares me too. I just want you to know how much hope you've offered me already. <3

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    Replies
    1. Hi Harley

      I'm glad to hear that my post have helped.
      being diagnosed can be scary. When I was first diagnosed I thought "thank god I'm not crazy", then promptly thought " wholly shit I must be crazy." I have since learned I am far from that.

      D.I.D. affects 1-3 % of the general population, that is as high or higher then the rate of schizophrenia. So, as you can see you are not alone.

      When I was diagnosed I researched as much as I could to find out about it. Some of the info pertained to me, some didn't. I also found a lot of stuff where people said this condition does not exist, I just ignored that. I knew what my truth was, they didn't.

      I am somewhat envious of you being diagnosed at such a young age, I know its a hard thing to deal with but this way, you will have time to work on your stuff and have a much healthier future. I do realize its hard enough being a teen, having this on top of it must seem overwhelming. If there is one thing I can say is to remember that DID is a very creative coping mechanism that protected my core self, the real me and allowed me to keep my humanity, sense of awe and wonder etc. It protected you and there is hope and there is recovery, and in the recovery, even though at times it is a tough journey, the work is definitely worth it.

      There is a link on my blog page for the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation. It may be worth your time to have a look at this site as they do have a public section where there is info, and also there is support and info for your therapist also. You may want to mention this to your therapist if they don't know about it.

      I also have a facebook page "Building Awareness About Dissociative Identity Disorder" if you "like" that page you will be informed when I have written a new post or comment.

      There are many online groups out there about this condition, some help, some don't. I found I needed to careful of the ones that wrote about the incidents that made them dissociate etc, as it triggered, re traumatized and affected me and those younger ones in my system. I try to make sure there is no triggering material in my blog...

      thanks again for letting me know my blog helps, just knowing that makes me realize that my words do help.

      Cheers and be well and I wish you well in your journay.

      Suzy


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