It has been on the horizon for about a week now, the flight plan was diverted, without my approval, and I have landed right smack dab in the middle of The Land of Discombobulating.
There are no flashy tourist brochures with pictures of happy, smiling people enjoying the sunshine and having a grand time here. There is no website where one can book their all-inclusive vacation in a luxurious suite with an ocean view and 5 star dining!
Nope, The Land of Discombobulating is a very cold, grey, barren, windswept, lonely place, where, much like altitude sickness, ones senses go askew and the simple process of thinking is harder to do.
As I said, I have felt this coming for about a week, and no matter what adjustments I made, I could not change the flight plan and this came upon me like a mountain top poking out of the fog at 6000 feet.
The good news is that I have landed safely, I have my survival gear with me and I know what to expect.
I hate being here, and get frustrated every time I visit. Life will be running along smoothly and then for no reason that I can gather, I am back here again. I am frustrated, angry, sad, irritated, tired and generally pissed off! However, I have to accept it, take care of myself and wait for this to pass.
The advantage I now have, is that I know what to expect, how best to get through this and how to set up my camp for the duration.
I know that I will need quiet, tons of self-care, and that I will not be able to function at the level I normally do. I know plans may need to be cancelled, and I will need more sleep.
And I need to remind myself this is not a character flaw!
This is one of the biggest issues I have had to work through. Because I do not fit the mold of a “working” person, or because I take time to care for myself, society sees me somewhat of lesser value and dare we say it..even “selfish”
But, I know this is what is best for me. And, what is best for me, is best for my family, friends and society.
In the past, I would fight these moments, keep pushing myself and run around like crazy, and push myself to exhaustion. I would do whatever I could to stay ahead of the emotions, memories, sensations or whatever my brain wanted to work on. I would keep going until I “crash landed” and I would pay dearly for not taking time for myself and it would take so much longer to get back into the swing of things.
I have no idea why my flight plans have been diverted. It may be the time of year, a trigger, the change of seasons or that my brain is just not working well at the moment. This may last a day, a week or more. Time will tell, but I do know what I can do to help it along.
I do know that being loving, kind and gentle with myself will help speed the process. I know I have resources that I can pull in to help me through this time, and that by staying in the moment, being authentic and not trying to “busy myself up” this too shall pass.
Soon, I will once again be laughing, feel joy and be fully and happily participating in life.
Until then, I am going to set up camp, hunker down in The Land of Discombobulating, do what I need to do and look forward to my flight out of here.
I wish you all well in your travels and remember to be kind and gentle with yourselves.
Cheers and be well