A couple of days ago I was out grocery shopping with my son. I ran into a husband of a friend of mine. This friend also had D.I.D. and she died April of 2006. The autopsy report said it was 99% accident and she died of hypothermia.
My friend had her demons and issues but she really was a sweet person. When things got tough for her she would take off in her vehicle and take whatever over the counter drugs she had , be it Gravol, painkillers, or whatever medication’s she had saved up. Her plan was to sleep, until the demons subsided, and she most likely dissociated at these times. This was one of her ways of trying to stop the pain. There were times no one knew where she was when this occurred and the police would be out looking for her.
This may not have been the best way for her to deal with her issues, but she was trying. The last time she went missing she died. The police had been out on many occasions and knew her. The day she was found the husband goes up to that spot and one of the first things the cops tells him is “Well it’s about time she died.” No ‘sorry to hear this has happened” etc.
Now I’m not writing this to blame the cop, I understand her frustration. I’m writing this because we may never know how profound of an affect our words may have on another human being. This happened six years ago and the husband is still carrying this with him.
This person may have been a pain in the ass to the police and ambulance service, but she was also someone’s wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend. She was much more then what people saw in her times of distress. Hell, her actions frustrated me, but I also knew it was her actions and not the person the frustrated me. Also part of the frustration was with my inability to help her and stop the pain she was in.
I am sure there are times we have all been frustrated, and said things we should not have. I know I have. I’m not perfect, all I can do is try to learn from these times and be more mindful of what I am saying.
I know how deeply words can hurt and the damage it can cause. I heard it all growing up, how I was a piece of shit, ugly, stupid and would never amount to anything etc. Being told this enough times I started to believe it was true. In fact, in my 40’s, my password for my computer was “Fuck Up!” I truly believed that was who I was. I now know differently.
Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones…..however when the bones are broken, the support is there. They are seen to by doctors, set and put in a cast to help heal and they are stronger at the broken places-
But Names Will Hurt Me…they hurt and scar ones psyche and being, the more this happened the more damage is done. The person often suffers in isolation and silence and one is not made stronger at the broken places!
Words are a powerful tool. They can be used to help, heal, soothe and support, encourage and help ones soul sore. They can empower and make wonderful things happen.
They can also damage, repress and destroy ones soul.
Choose your words wisely, I know I will try to.
Those are my thoughts- and words- for the day.
Cheers and be well