Happy Birthday To Me….
From this post you can see it’s my birthday- I was born of Friday the 13th, I was not supposed to survive and my parents were told that if I did survive I would be a vegetable…as you can see I have been very tenacious the second I was born. Some would say stubborn. I read somewhere the difference between stubborn and tenacity- stubborn means I won’t, tenacity means I will!
It has been an interesting Birthday. Last Friday I met a friend and we went for a walk and she treated me to lunch and gave me some wonderful hedgehog chocolates. Last night I had many birthday wishes from my ringette team- and chocolate and wonderful hugs. This morning there were tons of e-mails and Facebook messages wishing me the best and to have a great day. I then went singing with a wonderful choir group- they serenaded me with an awesome happy birthday song, and many wonderful hugs, then my son took me out for lunch, then I met a dear friend for coffee and she surprised me with a wonderful Pavlova cake- it is to die for…she was up making it at 6:00 am this morning.
I get home and there is an e-mail from my sister that says “To my beautiful, talented Sister....have a VERY happy birthday. We wish you a year of all things beautiful and many giggles and happy surprises.” I have presents and my husband and I are going out for dinner. It’s been a wonderful day, and later this week I am meeting another friend for coffee to celebrate.
This is- once again- such a contrast from what I grew up with. Growing up- birthdays were never a big deal and I got the sense they were more stress as my mom worried about getting me a present. I learned early on not to mention an upcoming birthday or look forward to it or celebrate it.
Needless to say, things are now different. In the choir I am in, -it’s called Letz Sing, and is a non-audition, non performing choir community where every voice is welcome. The philosophy is that everyone is inherently born with the ability to sing. One of the people in the choir is a retired psy nurse who has known me for some years and walked along beside me through many of my challenges. She told me to celebrate me. I think I will.
There have been times in the past where I felt no one cared about me, and it would not matter to anyone if I was around. I truly believed that no one would show up at my funeral. I now know people do care for me, and that I do make a difference in the world and it does matter that I am around. Not only do I know, I feel the connection with my family, friends and the world, and I can now accept all these wonderful hugs people give me.
Why am I telling you this? For all of you who have just started on your healing journey, or have stumbled and are trying to get on your feet, or feel alone and lost in the dark wondering if you have the energy to go on. For those of you who feel alone and feel as if you are lost wondering through a foreign land, and for all of you who are about to deal with some very tough issues and are afraid to look at what needs to be looked at. You can do it; you have survived it all and are still here. It is not an easy journey; I have stumbled and fallen many times, I use to tell my psychiatrist that “I’ve been down to the black abyss of Hell and back so many times I should get frequent flyer points!” As deep as the deepest despair I have felt during those times and wondered if I would make it, I now feel how wonderful life can be. Because of the work I have done, I now have connection with life and those in my life. It is a wonderful feeling. All the hard work is worth it, do not give up.
So I am going to “celebrate me!” And my birthday wish is that each and every one of you celebrate the very unique, wonderful person you are, celebrate your survival, your true self, your courage, your tenacity and your strength. No matter where you are in life, celebrate you! You are unique, you are special, and you do make a difference in the world. You may not believe that now, but persevere and time will show you that you are.
Tonight I will make a toast to me, and all of you who carry on!
Cheers and be well