The Next Day

Well I woke up a few times during the night wondering if I had done the right thing starting this blog.    There are a couple  of reasons.  On the surface of it all I am the most computer illiterate person I know. Every time something goes wrong with my computer- which is often- I phone my son to help me out and often he comes over and fixes it for me. Its usually something small, but not all the time. Then  I was thinking I don't know how to add photos etc and that this is going to be really boring blog. I also search and peck when I type, am dyslexic and will miss spelling errors.

However deep down- close to the core is the real reason I was wondering. All my friends know that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. My dragon boat team, friends I meet for coffee, college instructors, husband and son, ladies I golf with etc. Basically the people that are in my life know and support me and accept me for the person I am. They understand I have good days where I can function and then have off days where I cannot function or am having difficulty. When the rough days come I get discombobulated feel out of sorts and off balance. When this happens I pull back from  my activities,. They accept this and know that when  my energy level  is back up and I am more level I will be back. My closest friends can often see when I am having a tough time, they can see the signs- confusion- which I call brain clog, lack of energy,very bad memory, not remembering what they said to me a few minutes ago,  I will tell them something five times in ten minutes, having no recollection that I had already told them. They will notice me switching and notice that I am  not my smiling happy self etc. Not one of these wonderful people have pulled away from me because of these times. They know the reality of this condition- I have been open and encouraged them to ask questions and hopefully I have helped them understand, This condition is part of me, but it is not who I am and it is not like something  they have seen from Hollywood and other public media....so why am I doubting myself about starting this blog...

Because-( I know you are not suppose to start a sentence with the word " because")- Because in "my world" the place I live , friends I have etc..I have very supportive people around me..but now that I have put this out into cyber space- into the bigger world I have no control over who sees it and their reactions- the folks in cyber space do not know who I am or what makes me  the unique individual that I am. So they have not had a chance to meet me and get to know me before learning I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. I guess I'm concerned about the reactions some  have from reading this. I now realize these are triggers for me because I have had some not very nice reactions from people, all be it, only a few. I now know I have healthy boundaries and just say that I respectfully agree that we disagree.

It just came to me that I am not going to get into a conversation or argument  with anyone about the validity of this condition. There are many fine researchers and professionals who can do that. As my family physician told his fellow doctors one time...

 " call it what you want, this is what happened to her, this is what she did to survive and this is how its affecting her life now"

 Sounds simple enough to me.

Well now that I have figured this out hopefully I will sleep better tonight. I do hope that in the future I will have some links  to some fine organizations and web sites that do a very good job explaining what Dissociative Identity Disorder is .For me, I hope to  give the world a better understanding  of this disorder from  my perspective, and to help others better understand this very creative survival tool.

This blog, like myself is a work in progress.

Untill next time
Cheers and be well

Suzy